Pastafarians of the World Unite!!!

This is absolutely brilliant. I love it and as such, have decided to undergo a religious conversion... I now worship at the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster. Yes, like millions of others around the world, I too have become a Pastafarian.


For years now, folks in Kansas have appealed to the local school boards, trying to get Intelligent Design (aka Creationism) inserted into the cirriculum, to be taught alongside Evolution in science classes. I'd have no problem with Creationism being taught in say... a religious theory or comparitive religions type course... but science? Nope. Don't think so.

And so... the founder of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster has written (and gotten on the official record) an open letter to the Kansas school board, arguing for equal time for our noodly deity should Intelligent Design/Creationism make it into the cirriculum.

~Kevin S.

Open Letter To Kansas School Board

I am writing you with much concern after having read of your hearing to decide whether the alternative theory of Intelligent Design should be taught along with the theory of Evolution. I think we can all agree that it is important for students to hear multiple viewpoints so they can choose for themselves the theory that makes the most sense to them. I am concerned, however, that students will only hear one theory of Intelligent Design.

Let us remember that there are multiple theories of Intelligent Design. I and many others around the world are of the strong belief that the universe was created by a Flying Spaghetti Monster. It was He who created all that we see and all that we feel. We feel strongly that the overwhelming scientific evidence pointing towards evolutionary processes is nothing but a coincidence, put in place by Him.

It is for this reason that I’m writing you today, to formally request that this alternative theory be taught in your schools, along with the other two theories. In fact, I will go so far as to say, if you do not agree to do this, we will be forced to proceed with legal action. I’m sure you see where we are coming from. If the Intelligent Design theory is not based on faith, but instead another scientific theory, as is claimed, then you must also allow our theory to be taught, as it is also based on science, not on faith.

Some find that hard to believe, so it may be helpful to tell you a little more about our beliefs. We have evidence that a Flying Spaghetti Monster created the universe. None of us, of course, were around to see it, but we have written accounts of it. We have several lengthy volumes explaining all details of His power. Also, you may be surprised to hear that there are over 10 million of us, and growing. We tend to be very secretive, as many people claim our beliefs are not substantiated by observable evidence. What these people don’t understand is that He built the world to make us think the earth is older than it really is. For example, a scientist may perform a carbon-dating process on an artifact. He finds that approximately 75% of the Carbon-14 has decayed by electron emission to Nitrogen-14, and infers that this artifact is approximately 10,000 years old, as the half-life of Carbon-14 appears to be 5,730 years. But what our scientist does not realize is that every time he makes a measurement, the Flying Spaghetti Monster is there changing the results with His Noodly Appendage. We have numerous texts that describe in detail how this can be possible and the reasons why He does this. He is of course invisible and can pass through normal matter with ease.

I’m sure you now realize how important it is that your students are taught this alternate theory. It is absolutely imperative that they realize that observable evidence is at the discretion of a Flying Spaghetti Monster. Furthermore, it is disrespectful to teach our beliefs without wearing His chosen outfit, which of course is full pirate regalia. I cannot stress the importance of this enough, and unfortunately cannot describe in detail why this must be done as I fear this letter is already becoming too long. The concise explanation is that He becomes angry if we don’t.

You may be interested to know that global warming, earthquakes, hurricanes, and other natural disasters are a direct effect of the shrinking numbers of Pirates since the 1800s. For your interest, I have included a graph of the approximate number of pirates versus the average global temperature over the last 200 years. As you can see, there is a statistically significant inverse relationship between pirates and global temperature.


In conclusion, thank you for taking the time to hear our views and beliefs. I hope I was able to convey the importance of teaching this theory to your students. We will of course be able to train the teachers in this alternate theory. I am eagerly awaiting your response, and hope dearly that no legal action will need to be taken. I think we can all look forward to the time when these three theories are given equal time in our science classrooms across the country, and eventually the world; One third time for Intelligent Design, one third time for Flying Spaghetti Monsterism, and one third time for logical conjecture based on overwhelming observable evidence.

Sincerely Yours,

Bobby Henderson, concerned citizen.

P.S. I have included an artistic drawing of Him creating a mountain, trees, and a midget. Remember, we are all His creatures.

The GOP - Really Tough on Terror

"The most important thing is for us to find Osama bin Laden. It is our number one priority and we will not rest until we find him." - G.W. Bush, 9/13/01

"I want justice...There's an old poster out West, as I recall, that said, 'Wanted: Dead or Alive,'" - G.W. Bush, 9/17/01, UPI

So yeah, how's the hunt for Osama bin Laden going, anyway? After all, he was supposedly our number one priority, we weren't going to rest until we found him and he was wanted dead or alive, right? I mean, bin Laden was the one responsible for the deaths of more than 3,000 Americans on September 11, 2001, wasn't he?

According to former CIA officer Gary Bernsten, in his book Jawbreaker we first had a chance to snag bin Laden in December 2001 in the mountains of Tora Bora in Afghanistan. US Central Command refused to commit the troops and as a result, bin Laden slipped out of Tora Bora and across the border into Pakistan. This account has been confirmed by fellow CIA officer Gary Schroen and also by Pentagon documentation of the battle of Tora Bora. Strike one.

Now, we learn that in August 2007, US command had yet another chance to kill Osama bin Laden and failed to pull the trigger. It's yet another story that the infamously "liberal media" has failed to cover with any depth. Gee, I wonder why that is. The most play this story has seen has been on... of all places... Faux News. If you can believe it.

Retired Colonel David Hunt on Foxnews.com had this to say...

Besides, these things are of little consequence when you realize how we missed, squandered, screwed up, made a mess of and were massively risk adverse - again - when we did not kill Usama bin Laden in Afghanistan just two short months ago.

We know, with a 70 percent level of certainty - which is huge in the world of intelligence - that in August of 2007, bin Laden was in a convoy headed south from Tora Bora. We had his butt, on camera, on satellite. We were listening to his conversations. We had the world’s best hunters/killers - Seal Team 6 - nearby. We had the world class Joint Special Operations Command (JSOC) coordinating with the CIA and other agencies. We had unmanned drones overhead with missiles on their wings; we had the best Air Force on the planet, begging to drop one on the terrorist. We had him in our sights; we had done it. Nice job again guys - now, pull the damn trigger.

Unbelievably, and in my opinion, criminally, we did not kill Usama bin Laden.

You cannot make this crap up; truth is always stranger and more telling than fiction. Our government, the current administration and yes, our military leaders included, failed to kill bin Laden for no other reason than incompetence.

The current “boneheads” in charge will tell you all day long that we are fighting and dying in Iraq and Afghanistan to stop terrorists there so they do not come here. Nice talk, how about - just for a moment - acting like you mean what you say? You know walk the walk. These incidents, where we displayed a total lack of guts, like the one in August, are just too prevalent. The United States of America’s political and military leadership has, on at least three separate occasions, chosen not capture or kill bin Laden or Ayman al-Zawahri. We have allowed Pakistan to become a safe haven for Al Qaeda. We have allowed Al Qaeda to reconstitute, partially because of money they (Al Qaeda in Iraq) have been sending to Al Qaeda in Pakistan.

I'm pretty sure Colonel Hunt has been permanently blacklisted from coming near any Fox News entity ever again.

I do disagree with the Colonel however. It's not incompetence. Not in the least. Making sure Osama bin Laden stays alive is a very deliberate and very purposeful act by the Bush Administration. When Bush was spewing out all of that swaggering bravado and jingoistic rhetoric, he knew full well that they had no intentions of ever making a serious run at bin Laden. Because whe they need to ramp up the fear, bin Laden is their go-to guy. How many times have we seen the Republicans embattled and on the ropes, in need of a distraction and VOILA! out comes another tape or message from bin Laden. If they actually took this guy out, who would they turn to? How would they ratchet up the fear? bin Laden is their ultimate bogeyman. Bush and the Neo-Cons NEED bin Laden. And there are idiots among us who still fall for it every single time.

Those folks out there who still think Bush's "War on Terror" has anything to do with wiping out terrorism and the bin Laden's of the world need a serious beating with the clue stick. The "War on Terror" has never been about that. bin Laden merely gave Bush and the Neo-Cons the excuse they needed to wage their wars for nothing more than corporate profit. And if you doubt that, ask yourself why bin Laden is still alive and walking around when we've had the opportunity to drop the hammer on him two times that we know of.

And if you just can't force yourself to be intellectually honest enough to answer that question, then simply ask yourself what your president meant by this:

"I don't know where bin Laden is. I have no idea and really don't care. It's not that important. It's not our priority." - G.W. Bush, 3/13/02

~Kevin S.