Oh Thank Heavens... James Dobson has the Cure for The Gay!!!
I was reminded of this the other day and even after all this time, it still makes me laugh...
In 2002, James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Phallus, penned a series of articles aimed at identifying what he terms are the "warning signs of prehomosexuality" in children and the proper steps parents need to take to keep them from prancing down the path to Gayville.
Isn't that fantastic? By whipping out your junk and waving it at your son, you can guarantee that not only will he need years of intensive therapy, but you'd be affirming his "maleness" and prevent him from skipping off to Fairyland. I don't know about ya'll, but my dad never did any of this stuff with me and strangely and perhaps even magically so, I find myself to be very, very fond of the female species.
Dobson's article is as disturbing as it is hilarious in my opinion. I mean, let's just look at a couple of his assertions a little more closely, shall we?
In order to affirm your son's "maleness," fathers should...
"...help his son learn to throw and catch a ball."
Yeah, because everybody knows that if you can throw and catch, you must be straight, right? But what about female athletes? Are they having their "maleness" affirmed every time they play their chosen sport? Are we, as a society, failing the female portion of our population by encouraging them to play sports that they love? Oh, that's right... in the worldview of people like James Dobson and the Focus on the Phallus crowd, women should be relegated the kitchen, doing little more than waiting on their husbands hand and foot and pumping out babies. I forgot. My bad.
"He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard."
Oh my. Where to start with this little nugget of wisdom? He can teach his son to "pound a square wooden peg into a square hole"... ummmmm.... yeahhhhhh... Okay, is it me, or does this sound like a not-too-subtle allusion to... sex? *GASP* And if it is indeed a not-too-subtle allusion to sex, shouldn't Dobson be promoting teaching these kids to ummmm... pound a round peg into a square hole or vice versa? I mean, if the goal here is to teach them that "different is better" maybe "pounding" the same shaped peg into the same shaped hole isn't quite the way to go? Maybe? And maybe "pounding" these pegs isn't quite the right thing to be teaching the children... I mean, where's the romance here? Where's the gentle touch? It's no wonder the Focus on the Phallus contingent has such an "icky" view of sex... they're no freaking good at it!!! And with educational practices like "pounding" pegs into holes, can they really be blamed?
"He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger."
Okay, to me, this is just wrong on SOOOOOO many levels. First of all, if he brings junior into the shower with him, daddy better hope his package is bigger than junior's or this could lead to a cornucopia of other issues. And perhaps I'm just a wee bit prudish and repressed or something, but I've got some serious issues with taking your child into the shower for the express purpose of giving him a little look-see at your junk. I find that more than a wee bit disturbing and a whole lot creepy actually. I'm sure that there are plenty of healthy reasons to take your child into the shower... I just can't think of them right now. But I'm sure that there are lots of people who can think of reasons... but yeah... to me, that's just so not right.
So yeah... if you want to prevent your child from catching The Gay, heed James Dobson's advice. Fathers, play those "rough and tumble games" with your sons, teach him to throw and catch a ball, teach him to... ahem... "pound" a square peg into a square hole and don't forget to drag him into the shower and wave your junk at him. I'm sure all of that will keep your sons from becoming gay. Yeah. Sure. Okay. And the moon is made of green cheese and Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy all exist too.
~Kevin S.
In 2002, James Dobson, founder of Focus on the Phallus, penned a series of articles aimed at identifying what he terms are the "warning signs of prehomosexuality" in children and the proper steps parents need to take to keep them from prancing down the path to Gayville.
Meanwhile, the boy's father has to do his part. He needs to mirror and affirm his son's maleness. He can play rough-and-tumble games with his son, in ways that are decidedly different from the games he would play with a little girl. He can help his son learn to throw and catch a ball. He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard. He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger.
Isn't that fantastic? By whipping out your junk and waving it at your son, you can guarantee that not only will he need years of intensive therapy, but you'd be affirming his "maleness" and prevent him from skipping off to Fairyland. I don't know about ya'll, but my dad never did any of this stuff with me and strangely and perhaps even magically so, I find myself to be very, very fond of the female species.
Dobson's article is as disturbing as it is hilarious in my opinion. I mean, let's just look at a couple of his assertions a little more closely, shall we?
In order to affirm your son's "maleness," fathers should...
"...help his son learn to throw and catch a ball."
Yeah, because everybody knows that if you can throw and catch, you must be straight, right? But what about female athletes? Are they having their "maleness" affirmed every time they play their chosen sport? Are we, as a society, failing the female portion of our population by encouraging them to play sports that they love? Oh, that's right... in the worldview of people like James Dobson and the Focus on the Phallus crowd, women should be relegated the kitchen, doing little more than waiting on their husbands hand and foot and pumping out babies. I forgot. My bad.
"He can teach him to pound a square wooden peg into a square hole in a pegboard."
Oh my. Where to start with this little nugget of wisdom? He can teach his son to "pound a square wooden peg into a square hole"... ummmmm.... yeahhhhhh... Okay, is it me, or does this sound like a not-too-subtle allusion to... sex? *GASP* And if it is indeed a not-too-subtle allusion to sex, shouldn't Dobson be promoting teaching these kids to ummmm... pound a round peg into a square hole or vice versa? I mean, if the goal here is to teach them that "different is better" maybe "pounding" the same shaped peg into the same shaped hole isn't quite the way to go? Maybe? And maybe "pounding" these pegs isn't quite the right thing to be teaching the children... I mean, where's the romance here? Where's the gentle touch? It's no wonder the Focus on the Phallus contingent has such an "icky" view of sex... they're no freaking good at it!!! And with educational practices like "pounding" pegs into holes, can they really be blamed?
"He can even take his son with him into the shower, where the boy cannot help but notice that Dad has a penis, just like his, only bigger."
Okay, to me, this is just wrong on SOOOOOO many levels. First of all, if he brings junior into the shower with him, daddy better hope his package is bigger than junior's or this could lead to a cornucopia of other issues. And perhaps I'm just a wee bit prudish and repressed or something, but I've got some serious issues with taking your child into the shower for the express purpose of giving him a little look-see at your junk. I find that more than a wee bit disturbing and a whole lot creepy actually. I'm sure that there are plenty of healthy reasons to take your child into the shower... I just can't think of them right now. But I'm sure that there are lots of people who can think of reasons... but yeah... to me, that's just so not right.
So yeah... if you want to prevent your child from catching The Gay, heed James Dobson's advice. Fathers, play those "rough and tumble games" with your sons, teach him to throw and catch a ball, teach him to... ahem... "pound" a square peg into a square hole and don't forget to drag him into the shower and wave your junk at him. I'm sure all of that will keep your sons from becoming gay. Yeah. Sure. Okay. And the moon is made of green cheese and Santa Claus, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy all exist too.
~Kevin S.
posted by Lila Schow at
8:47 PM
1 Comments
